I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
