I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
