I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
