i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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