Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I fill condoms, not promises.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
