i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
