I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
