i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
