So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
