i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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