also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
