im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
