is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I skipped work to stalk him.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
