I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
