Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
