i wish my penis had a tongue
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
