i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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