he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize