you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
