I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
