You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
