They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
