Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
