Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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