So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
