I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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