i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
