What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
