No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
