I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
