I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
