He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
NoShamevember. You game?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
