I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you will always have a special place in my vag
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
