so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize