Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just high enough for therapy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
