The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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