So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
