i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
