my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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