"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
