I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
