Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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