I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
