We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
