When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
