Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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