Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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