I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
