Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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