Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
