Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize