that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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