turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
