Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
