what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I need moral support for this bender
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
