I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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