They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
