just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
