girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
