you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
