that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
