I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm at about main and main street
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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