Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
