I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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