yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
