What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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