ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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