There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize