That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
