well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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