I think my vagina is haunted
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
