Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
