Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
