My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
