Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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