God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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