I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize