Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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