Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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