Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
