I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
