Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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