Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
