Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
