I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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